The year wouldn’t be complete without spending some time with high school friends and classmates for a little get-together, Christmas Party of sorts. It has become a tradition for us to set-up a small gathering during the holidays since we parted our ways for college. Each yearly celebration served as moments of reminiscing – our petty notorious activities like how we tweaked the time in the wall clock of our classroom to deceive our bit gullible computer teacher (but the class turned out as a columnar lessons instead of excel lessons); how we’d call our classmate by the name of another classmate’s dog; how we’d spend long hours of break playing Chinese Garter, Jackstone, One-two-three pass, shaggy-dy, concentration; how we missed our almost daily supply of crispy chicharong manok (yes, balat ng manok); how our PEHM teachers would excuse us from class for a cultural activity somewhere; etc.
But this year, the kind of conversations seemed to have changed. While we still talked about our high school experiences (of course it’s impossible not to talk about these things), we looked at the past experiences in a more mature way – the what if’s and could’ve been’s. More importantly, we talked about serious stories – like what is a good life if there’s such, seriously falling in love (like leaving one’s heart in a foreign country), studying abroad, migrating to another country (and racism), careers (how a 'pervert' hehe medical student would want to specialize in OB-GYNE), getting married, and yes raising kids (that from 0-6 months old, a baby shouldn’t be given any food except for milk as doing so might cause development of allergens).
I’m pretty much guilty of feeling forever young. Yes, I know I’m an adult but there are things that I find myself too young to get involved with. But after two consecutive days of revelations (and a good night spent with high school friends), I came to realize that man, I’m old. Not too old but old enough to venture in things I’ve never even thought of venturing into, at least not now.
********
More than a year ago, I wrote something about my feelings about friends and batchmates who have already settled down at an early age (mostly because they got pregnant or got someone pregnant). I just found out that two other high school classmates have settled down (one happens to be close to my heart). Again, I was shocked. I guess the reasons are: (1) I always think that we’re too young (but in reality, we’re not that young anymore, shit); (2) I’ve always believed that these people have a lot of opportunities to make their lives better if they weren’t married yet; (3) I think that they deserve to enjoy singlehood and maximize whatever it is that they can do (to help their families, establish a career, and prepare for a better future); and (4) I don’t think they’re all holistically prepared to build a family.
“It’s better to have kids if you’re 24-25. At least when you grow old, you will still look glamorous.” –friend who recently gave birth
This makes sense. I guess it isn’t simply about looking glamorous but being able to catch up with your kids. Well, maybe people wouldn’t want to imagine themselves at 60 and still paying tuition fee for their first year college kid. Then again, it isn’t just about keeping up to kids. What if you’re not yet financially stable (or you haven’t saved enough to sustain 5 years or so to initially raise a family)? And is it because you’re pressured of not meeting yore ideal age of getting married you have to compromise the future of your family?
There are lesser opportunities when you’re already married, I think. Well, opportunities in terms of grabbing opportunities (redundant). Meaning, say you’ve just given birth, you cannot simply leave your baby alone to a helper and get a job, right? It will take some time for you to be able to get back on your career; which is not good if you’re just starting to build a career.
Singlehood is bliss. Yes I understand how other people find happiness in building a family and seeing their kids grow. Then again, there’s something good about being able to try out things that you want while you are young (those that you can never do or at least will be hurdled to do when you’re married). The perfect term is ‘magpakasawa’. You cannot revert on being single (yeah, even if you’re separated unless you never had a child).
Personally, I have a very weird (if you’d consider it weird) perspective about getting into a married life. Actually, to build a family (get married) is not a goal but I rather see it as an option for me (maybe a first weird point?). For me, to build a family means preparing your self in surrendering a lot of things (especially for the woman, maybe the ideal age for a woman to get married is 27 or 28). If ever I do settle down I don’t plan to work full-time in the early years of marriage (weird point number 2). Not that I’d let my partner worry about all the financial needs of the family. I want to be a full-time wife and mother (weird point number 3) and part-time teacher/businesswoman; which is why I don’t really imagine myself working as an employee for life. Before I get married, I need to have enough investments and savings (too ideal?). Heck, my picture of building a family isn’t that simple (given that I tend to over analyze). It’s a decision that could make or break your life and the future of the lives you’ll be creating.
It seems that I’m affected because they are my friends. And that it isn’t what I wished (expected) for them. Apparently, I’m bothered because they think differently from what I think is proper. But who the hell am I to impose my perspectives on them? Who knows, maybe the biggest achievement they can reach is to become good parents to their kids or wives/husbands to their partners? Who knows, while nurturing their family they are also able to nurture their personal careers?
But I’m still sad. I just wish that they’d be able to have good married life; that they are able to raise their kids well.
Oh and to high school friends and batchmates who plan to get married soon, please tell me in advance so I wouldn’t panic and get lost.
********
From seeing each other growing up, now we’re witnessing other friends raising their own kids. Ah, yes we’re getting old. Then again, some of us still need to grow up. :P
5 comments:
What I hate with reunions like that are the "smug marrieds" (from Bridget Jones IIRC). The people (couples especially) who think you're missing out on a lot by not having a family early.
And then their yaya texts them while we're doing jello shots. And I remember why.
Hehe. They tend to forget they're also missing a lot of things by having a family early.
i think it is always good to start a family with too little to tide the family another day. at elast the child gets to see how hard it is to go to college and play billiards
^ But the reason the kid needs to learn that is so he doesn't repeat it when it's his turn. What's the point of, say, my parents teaching me that life is hard if I go and commit the exact same mistake they did.
That's a recipe for perpetual poverty for the family. Each succeeding generation must be more comfortable than the one that spawned it.
ray john: My parents got married quite late already (30 something). They both had stable jobs and were able to get a house (under loan) when I was three (I think). Even if they had stable jobs and pretty good investments, they also encountered financial challenges. I've witnessed how my father sold our old owner-type jeep (the only vehicle we had then) and used the money to buy a washing machine.
And even if you've something big (enough investments) to start off, giving your kids a comfortable life doesn't mean they can never learn to value the hardships of life(and I don't think they would want to give their future families a life that is less comfortable from what they grew up with; it's nature to want something better I guess). Heck, it's still better to have something enough or even more than enough before you start a family.
Oh of course, another lesson I got from their situation. Don't ever attempt to be pregnant when you're 40 something. Parenting to teenagers (18) if you're near to "Senior Citizenship" wouldn't be good either. :D
Post a Comment