Unanswered

If there's one thing from my college experience that remains unanswered, that'd be: "Why didn't I pass Interel?"

********

While waiting for the house to open (Avenue Q's opening night last Friday), I was seated next to a college classmate (who I was entertaining since he purchased tickets from me) when we both noticed our former professor for Semirel (actually a substitute professor) passed by. [Seeing her reminded us of our bad experience from another professor but it as well reminded me of how she has inspired me much of venturing into teaching.]

My classmate said, "I love her. She gave us good grade for our report."

I replied, "Lucky you. She was not the one who graded us." (The original teacher got back when it was our turn to report).

Then, he commented, "Alam mo hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang hindi ka pumasa sa Interel*. Smart ka naman at masipag kang mag-aral." (Something like that)

I replied, "Ako rin. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung bakit."

I just find myself thinking of that sad past - the struggles, sleepless nights, crying nights, a sad birthday, a blue dinner at Hotshots Providence...

Really, without being arrogant here, it remains an unanswered question.

I've struggled much for that subject but still I didn't pass. I've read much, prepared outlines, compared notes, but still I didn't pass. It was the saddest moment in my entire academic life. It was the first time I failed a subject. Not to mention the fact that I still don't know why I failed.

I was never angry with the professor. I know somewhere he had reasons which I just couldn't see. I still feel it's unfair but I believe he really had reasons. But I'm afraid I'll never know.

It was still a learning experience though. I never cursed him. I learned a lot. Maybe not about the subject per se but a lot about teaching and learning - things that I can apply being a practitioner now.

*Interel is the pre-requisite course to to Semirel.