This will be a series of articles about women and vulnerability. This first part discusses my observations vis-à-vis opinion on women and relationship (romantic for that matter).
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It seems that in a relationship (or even getting in a relationship), women are more vulnerable to suffer/sacrifice (of course I know I'm sounding too sexist here). But this conclusion is based from my observations of friends'/acquaintances' experiences or general stories.
The Waiting Game
There are two points under this -- (1) waiting for someone to fall and (2) the real waiting game.
Waiting for someone to fall
In a society where men are seen to have all the entitlement to initiate a romantic relationship, it gives them more freedom and options to choose among their prospects. On the other hand, a girl is normally constrained to simply hope and wait that the person they find interesting considers them one of his prospects and pursue her. She can probably send subtle signals but that's it. Of course, that's due to the society's view of gender roles. Men have to court or show the interest and women simply have to respond (either they do or don't like the guy).
Why women can't initiate? It's something not acceptable in our society. A lot I guess are hurdled because of the possible damage it may create in their personality. Some women may have gone against this traditional perspective (possibly have obviously initiated the courtship) but it isn't impossible that their actions would be judged as something unacceptable. Another thing is the fear of rejection. While the fear of rejection also occurs to men, I guess it's different among women. Again that has something to do with the expected actions from women. In case of rejection, they'd be easier to laugh at. Worse if they happen to confront their emotions with an over-confident man (good luck).
A man (courageous and maybe serious enough) could easily show and tell a girl his feelings and ask if the girl feels the same. Meanwhile, a girl could just simply show subtle signs and wait if something reciprocates.
The Real Waiting Game
Sometimes men are just guilty of sending signals of interest and affection without necessarily speaking up. There are a lot of reasons for this (varying from good and bad reasons). It's possible that the person is too shy to speak (there goes fear of rejection, too). It may also be because of the idea that he's probably just 'testing the waters' and 'playing safe' – if the girl responds to the moves and then good, if not then the guy lost nothing (except probably for the idea that "he can be a man who'll go down in history as someone who missed a possible wonderful grace"). It can also be because the person is someone who gives more importance in what he does, like believing, "I don't have to tell you that I care because I'm showing more than enough of how much I care." (Hmm, that sounds sweet though. Bitter-sweet actually.).
These sending signals game would normally give the idea (for both) that there is something special happening. There's a certain understanding (yes, that fucking term mutual understanding) between them in terms of the reciprocating actions. Then again, in this kind of situation, it seems that the woman is always in the losing position. Again, because of the societal standards, the woman can never initiate to ask of the thing going between them (it boils down again to the idea that it's always the man who should make the 'moves'). Hence, the girl is left with the following options (where there's higher probability of a result against them): (1) to ask the guy – but what if she misread the signs; good luck. You're probably doomed to be laughed at (by the guy and his friends probably); (2) wait – until the 'suspect' speaks (as some people say enjoy the moment but the again good luck; it may die the natural way too); and (3) balk – just stop; period.
An Unrequited Love
In relation to 'waiting for someone to fall'…
The waiting thing therefore sometimes creates intense emotions that can possibly lead to not-so-good situation that is 'unrequited love'. Of course, there are men who are also in this situation but it seems that women are more prone to experience this. It has something to do with women being more attached. Most of us can't easily let go of things and fancy ourselves in something that may be way beyond our grasp.
(But an unrequited love isn't love at all, right?)
So is it a burden to be a woman?
Well, looking at these different situations where women are usually constrained (in relationship for that matter), one might think that most of the time, men have the more advantages over us. They enjoy a lot of freedom that we actually don't. But given that we're already living in a modern (and progressing) society, we should also slowly fine-tune this situation of women (the way we think as well). I think nothing's bad about acquiring more freedom and power to create situations that can be of our advantage. Conventions are fine but if these are something that hurdle us from being better, I think there's a need to re-examine the way we see things. Nothing's bad in trying to be less attached (which most of us women are). It's about learning to play life's game with the intention of being at par with the one who would normally hold the winning position.
Next: Vulnerability to Sexual Abuse (Verbal or Physical)
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